Blog 73 - Last one about whatever!

Okay so this is my last blog about whatever but i'm trying to rewrite my commonplace paper so I really need some feedback so here's part of it, tell me what you think so far! This is like the beginning of it:

It’s 2:45 pm and the bus has finally made it back to our houses. I get off one stop before Ashley, “I’ll call you in a second,” I yell to her as I hurry off the bus to go munch on in the kitchen. I don’t hear her response but its probably one of the usual ones. “Okay, I have to feed my brother,” or “Okay but I have to pick my brother up first.”

            Everyday after school, I walk into my house and I can hear my mom talking. I go into the kitchen and eat something with her and we talk about my day. I tell her about something weird that happened, and then maybe we watch an episode of Gilmore Girls, or go get some groceries or something. Even after my mom began working in my later years of high school, she got home fairly early. I would only be home an hour or two before she would make her entrance, usually with a couple chocolate Busken Bakery muffins.

            Down the street from me was Ashley, and her arrival home was fairly different than mine. She walked into an empty house, being greeted by the security system that wanted to be silenced. She would go to the kitchen and get some Oreo’s, or make a bowl of spaghetti. She would then follow by doing something with the word “brother” in it. Pick up her brother from the bus stop, tutor her brother, feed her brother, dress her brother, one of the many my mom does for me.